He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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