tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
