I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
