idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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