Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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