just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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