This girl is more easily done than said...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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