he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
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I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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