She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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