Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i now understand why vodka
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
