Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
