I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
