ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize