Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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