ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
