Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
