You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wrigley field is MILF paradise
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
