Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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