Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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