Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
