Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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