im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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