I cockslap morals
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
