now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
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You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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