put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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