my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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