i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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