Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
