the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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