What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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