toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize