i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
