Welp...herpes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
