I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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