I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
