happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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