i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Welp...herpes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
