Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
