R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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