I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
