fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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