i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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