Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize