haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Even my vagina gasped.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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