dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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