duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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