franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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