I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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