is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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