DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
