It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
