4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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