yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Congratulations! We have a period
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
