If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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