just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she looked like the before picture.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
