I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
