You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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