I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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