I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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