like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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