my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There's always time for handjobs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
