The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
