I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
