They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish you could order shots online.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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