And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
