it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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