Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
