I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
