I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
