I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
