The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
