I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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