either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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