Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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