So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
