I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
