Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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