I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
