I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
