Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
