haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
