since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
