i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
