5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm both gender and math confused
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
