Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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