your room smells of hookers.
And success
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
