I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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