I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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