I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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