He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
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i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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