check it out our google latitudes are spooning
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
