I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
