Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
