Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
